Not nearly cool enough for NorCal

As I settle into the area and accept that this will be my (our) home for the next few years it has become painfully obvious that I am not even close to being cool enough to live here. If you haven't been to the Bay Area in recent years or ever at all let me shed some light onto the area and culture.

1 guys love their tight pants...I mean really guys, what is up with that? I can't wait to get out of my cycling cloths cause they feel weird, how can denim be comfortable? The worst thing is the lack of ass in the tight jeans- I should stop.

2 the "faux-hawk" (that is my term...) is alive and well. what is a faux-hawk? think frat kid wanting to have a mohawk but not really having the convictions to make a statement about anything aside from looking cool...whatever...hair product is alive and well here in Marin County...

3 "expensive bike looking for owner to actually ride me"...I have never seen so many gears and springs on carbon mountain bikes used to hit the coffee shop. My poor Niner (thanks to the boys at FREEZETHAW.COM) is covered in this thick tan dust from never being cleaned and chain caked over while making fun of all the other bikes that never see "trails" but look real fast and clean

4 "trails"...if you live in the east and ever complain about the trails I will hunt you down and beat you senseless! Here in the birth place of mountain biking there are NO LEAGAL TRAILS on public land. The single track that is around you have to pay for! $5.00 a day. Really- I will beat you down! I am so sick of fire roads, crabby hikers, other bikers that are too cool to acknowledge you as you pass  by, and riders being "rad" by riding illegal trails...

5 "west coast folks are easy going"...what? Everyone here is so into being cool (yup- it is a concerted effort on their part) that they end up being asses. In 3 weeks I haven't meet anyone as chill as in the east. All the effort in being chill is counterproductive. Sad.

6 I would give my right arm for a cloudy day. Sure State College was cloudy to a silly level but sun every single day no matter what- really? My nose has been sunburned from day one, climbing on an exposed "trail" is hellish, and honestly- blue sky is only interesting for a short while. Apparently it only rains out here in the "winter" (the temperature never fluctuates enough to feel like another season, I think it is just a convention of the government). Again- whatever.

So what can I say to those of you who hold S.F. and NorCal in high regard? You can have it. Hippy kids with perfect teeth and designer glasses, uptight mothers letting junior tell them what the deal is, bike shop lackies being dicks, 6' wide "trails" of dust and gravel, everyone being soooo interesting, and the bike culture (mounted in the rack of their BMW) being sooo progressive.

The east coast is where it is at. NorCal may have been cool at some time but it appears it may have passed long ago.

Hogs and quiches...

eric

ps

gretta gets out here in a few days!!!!!!! don't expect me to like it any more, I just might bitch less....might